I feel like I've been living too long and should have died by now?

I'm going to make the story short. Im 21 and feel like I should have died by now. My favorite cousins died at young ages and had big funerals and ever since I was sixteen I envisioned myself being the same way. Uunfortunately for me I am still alive. Im also a christian so I believe I'd go to hell for suicide so I cant do that. I honestly do not enjoy life. I lived too long and now my life is going down the drain. I have no friends and am all but estranged from my family. I should have probably died last summer.